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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Empty Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!?

on 3/11/2011, 6:03 pm
So, I recently opened Konami Classics: Vol. 1 for the XBOX 360. It's a brick and mortar package that contains Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, Frogger (arcade original), and Super Contra (arcade original) all emulated. The games themeself are not what I am here to complain about today. No, today I am actually here to take up arms with the manual inside the packaging. It is now officially the worst manual I have ever seen since I have been playing games, and that is saying something.

It has always dissapointed me when manuals come in black and white, but that flavor of laziness alone will not instantly earn you the title of worst manual ever (although it sure do make some game's 50 page manuals an eye-strain pain to read). You definitely are bad manual when you have no pictures of the game at all - or even illustrations - in your manual, to that end the Robotech: Battlecry manual was absolutely befuddling (thankfully the in game tutorial was better). Up until now my "Champion of Fail (TM)" had been the SNES manual for the US release of Capcom's Final Fight, which - not counting the inside or outside of the covers - had a whopping four pages and no pictures to describe the entire game. I would long boast about how even when I ran into a manual like Robotech: Battlecry, that it still couldn't hold a candle to Final Fight's embarrassment (which even had some flat out inaccuracies in its four scant pages).

I will now discuss the contents of Konami Classics: Vol. 1's manual, but let me remind you that what I am about to delve into is a manual for three wholly sperate games. On the inside of the cover itself - page 0 of sorts - we have the traditional health warning and ESRB information, that's fairly standard. The next page - page 1 - is our table of contents, also fairly standard. Now - with page 2 - we have the heart of the problem, three diagrams of controllers - one for each game - listing what each button is for in each game. At this point would think that is standard, they usually list that before they got into things in more detail... right?

Well, normally, but.... WROOOOOOOOONG!

On page 3, we have the warranty and copyright information... the end. WAIT, WHAT THE FU-!?

Didn't you just say there was a table of contents on page 2, what's it for if the only content is a picture of 3 controllers jammed onto 1 black and white page? Well, you see, this is one of those English/Spanish/French manuals, and the table of contents happily lets you know which page each language's version of the manual begins on. That's right, this manual - not counting the inside of covers - would have only 2 pages if not for multi-lingualism. Two whole spanking pages - one of which is a table of contents - for three whole complete games, and one of those games is a fairly large and complex exploration based side scrolling RPG.

Gee - Captain - I don't know, methinks I see a problem with this picture.

The icing on the cake comes at the end of the manual, after they've already reprinted the entire info above thrice in different languages, the last two pages of the manual are those note pages. You heard me, there are more of those worthless note pages in the manual than there are actual instructions for all three of the games on this compilation disc combined. I honestly wasn't expecting much from the compilation's manual, but I certainly expected a wee bit more than a single to page to explain the ins and outs of all three games combined.
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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Empty Re: Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!?

on 3/11/2011, 6:53 pm
@Clovis15 wrote:
It has always dissapointed me when manuals come in black and white, but that flavor of laziness alone will not instantly earn you the title of worst manual ever (although it sure do make some game's 50 page manuals an eye-strain pain to read).
I agree so much with this. When i see the game's manual is in black and white I immediately jump to this depressingly accurate conclusion that the game is short and doesn't have much content.

stuff

I would have been happier if they said "Figure it out yourself"

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Granadico
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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Empty Re: Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!?

on 3/11/2011, 8:25 pm
lol that's terrible. Can you take a pic of it? it'd be hilarious to see, yet it'd make me cry inside as well D:

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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Granadico made by Knux184

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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Empty Re: Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!?

on 3/12/2011, 4:47 am
That's why when I buy games, I jump directly to my console. I preffer to discover the game on my own.
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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Empty Re: Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!?

on 3/12/2011, 3:33 pm
To Granadico:

I will try to have a scan of the manual pages in question soon.

To LeoCartoon:

Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I remember a time where you wouldn't even know what the plot of a game was at all unless you read the manual.
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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Empty Re: Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!?

on 3/12/2011, 11:34 pm
I do both. Because me and my bro fight over who plays first (unless there's a coop feature), if i go first i don't read the manual, or else he'll play, but if he goes first i'll read it cuz i don't wanna watch him play and i got nothing better to do.

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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Granadico made by Knux184

We can learn from the past
But those days are gone
We can hope for the future
But there may not be one
-Mike Portnoy "A Change of Seasons"
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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Empty Re: Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!?

on 3/17/2011, 9:50 pm
We now have a scan of the manual page in question here, since various people I've shown the article too asked to see it: http://www.ultrapublications.com/articles/konamiwtf.html
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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Empty Re: Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!?

on 3/17/2011, 10:12 pm
For a second i thought this was a copypasta, then i read your name at the bottom and realized the copypasta was from here to there :O

and lol wow that's so terribad. The only one i understand is Frogger, not much to explain lol

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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Granadico made by Knux184

We can learn from the past
But those days are gone
We can hope for the future
But there may not be one
-Mike Portnoy "A Change of Seasons"
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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Empty Re: Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!?

on 3/17/2011, 11:26 pm
Yeah, together Laserkid and I own the entirety of the Ultra Publications domain... we often dump stuff like this article that often shows up first on forums.
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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Empty Re: Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!?

on 3/17/2011, 11:40 pm
I value manuals, and I must say, Koonami Classics has let me down. This is terribly sad.

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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Ping10
@darkdragon581 wrote:ping, i don't see you getting 'boodie' anytime soon, i don't care if your black, its most likely not going to happen
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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Empty Re: Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!?

on 3/18/2011, 12:29 am
Cool, didn't even know you ran a site. Though we can't talk about it in this topic :\

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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Granadico made by Knux184

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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Empty Re: Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!?

on 3/18/2011, 10:45 am
I actually love Video Game manuals...I remember when I was a little kid every time I went to the store to get one in like Wal*Mart or some shit, after we bought the game and my mom continued to shop, I would sit in the cart and look at the manual. I never really like to read the 'how to play' parts though, I like to just learn the controls. But the manuals with the little description of every single monster, and ally was so cool... XD

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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Purple11

[The Return]
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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Empty Re: Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!?

on 3/18/2011, 10:35 pm
Pattiasina24 wrote:I actually love Video Game manuals...I remember when I was a little kid every time I went to the store to get one in like Wal*Mart or some shit, after we bought the game and my mom continued to shop, I would sit in the cart and look at the manual. I never really like to read the 'how to play' parts though, I like to just learn the controls. But the manuals with the little description of every single monster, and ally was so cool... XD

You opened it then and there? I waited till i got home so i won't be tempted or anything

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Konami Classics: Vol. 1... WTF!? Granadico made by Knux184

We can learn from the past
But those days are gone
We can hope for the future
But there may not be one
-Mike Portnoy "A Change of Seasons"
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